No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
