I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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