he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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