yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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