before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
