I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
