dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
