Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
