to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
