hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
