omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
