Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
