An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
