Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
