Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
