Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
