I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
