So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
