You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
