what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
