OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
