If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Randomize
