just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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