Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
