My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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