I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
