If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
