i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
