i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The best revenge is premature balding
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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