either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
