I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
