yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
