If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can I color on your dick again?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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