Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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