ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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