i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
