I have demons in me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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