a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
