Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize