you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
