the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
