In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
