I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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