Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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