i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
