I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
