I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
