He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
