I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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