No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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