you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
