I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
