This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
