I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
