awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
