your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
