is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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