she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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