I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
