The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
