im six kinds of drunk right now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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