I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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