My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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