I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
