in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
