I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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