I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I died a long time ago.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
