Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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